May Musings.

"Just write one sentence, literally, at a time," I told myself at the beginning of my new notebook.

And on the 16th of April 2019, I was able to begin writing again.

I'm not sure if it was simply just giving myself the permission to write and make mistakes, or if it was simplifying the complexities of my overthinking thousand thoughts per hour mind, but that day I found my story.

I've been looking for it a long time, you see. And it hasn't always been easy. There have been times of darkness and being 'stuck in the mud.' But there have also been times where the dots connected, focus opened windows, euphoria felt high. I went through periods of serious procrastination because everything felt 'off.' And I didn't believe in my ability as a writer to create the story I dreamed of to life. That it wouldn't live up to my expectation. However, there were times where I gently closed the door on expectation and disbelief and wrote anyway.

But for a while, I was stuck in that land of the in between. And now i'm safely on the other side!

I've been discovering myself more and more every step of the way with this story too (we'll call it project constellation). And right now, I'm so happy, truly, because I've not only found the story I was trying to tell but myself also. It's been a testament to my willpower and strength but I'm writing it. And, for the first time in a long time, I think I can actually do this! (Who would have thought?)

I've been dabbling in something that, thank the wings of inspiration, came naturally to me. I have two pages. On the left side, I write my notes and edits and ideas, and on the right side I actually do the creative writing, the story. This way I'm able to edit as I go along. Not be afraid to make mistakes, because I can make changes as I go. And by taking it, as I said at the beginning, literally one sentence at a time (And I mean literally every sentence gets a new line), I'm able to think more clearly. See it as a cog in the wheel. A small part of a large component. And I can make every word count. Every sentence sing. (That's the goal anyway!)

I'm figuring it out as I go along. Giving myself more time to dream and brain dump and explore new possibilities and ideas. Giving myself avenues of options - no commitment (as that can stifle my creativity). Just gentle options. Like having a tissue in your pocket, or a book in your bag, you might not need it, but you feel safer knowing its there.

And I'm balancing on the side a new exciting creative project (which we'll call project fairy tale)! In its infant stages, project fairy tale is slowly growing into a toddler. And hopefully will soon, in time, be walking. Very excited for the future!

Hope your writing journey is going well wildflowers!

Jess